You are contemplating asking her out for your first date. The problem is you don’t know whether you can do it. Well, you know you can ask her out, the difficulty is if you can do it the right way. It has been a long time – we are talking decades here, since you asked anyone out. Not only have you changed, but so, too, has dating. It is a whole, new world out there and you are not sure whether you can take it on without flopping miserably.
Such anxieties are natural. You want to make sure you clinch the date. You do not want to be rejected. If you do nothing, however, someone else may ask her out. You will then be left at home going nowhere and not doing what you really want to do. Is this what you want?
In fact, the first thing you need to do is to look closely at what you do want. Be honest. Why are you interested in asking this woman out? The reasons do vary from when you were first dating. They could be any of the following :
- Someone to talk to
- A friend to go with me to movies, concerts and parties
- Someone to do my washing, cooking and cleaning
- A person to take care of me
- Someone to share the rest of my life with
Whatever your reason, you need to be honest. You also need to realize the first person you ask out may not match your criteria. Like when you were younger, you will have to have a first date more than once to find what and whom you want. You also have to be ready for rejection. Not everyone you ask will want to go out with you. They all have their reasons. Let’s just hope it has nothing to do with your current track record. If you suspect this to be true, you need to carefully consider the advice provided below.
One of the obstacles to dating is the change in dating habits. Women have become more liberal as time has sped on. They assume a first date is just that a first date. They no longer feel so obligated to find a partner. In fact, the women you successfully ask out have probably been married already. Depending upon their experience, they may not want to marry again - ever. It is their prerogative.
Another problem is where to go. If you once enjoyed going to nightclubs or single bars, you are unlikely to find any specifically designed with senior dating in mind. If you date likes such things as jazz or folk, you can still locate several of these clubs. These venues are usually quieter. You can actually talk and frequently dine. There are also older dance clubs where you can learn and have a good time dancing.
Finding a place to take your date is part of the challenge. You can go to a library or bookstore. Here, you can catch a lecture or a book signing. Sometimes, these places host book clubs. A discussion of the authors in a group setting can help you break the ice. Conversation can flow more easily if you have something about which the both of you can talk.
If you are still active, take her to a sporting event. Better still, go off and play tennis. Take a brisk walk or hike scenic trails. You may decide to go to an art gallery for an opening or a museum. Why not take her antiquing or to a farmers’ market or flea market. This provides you with plenty of things to look at and on which to converse. Perhaps a fair is in town or there is a special lecture.
Always consider what the two of you have in common. Always consider the amount of mobility you two are capable of maintaining. If she is a sedentary, stick with something quiet, with places you can sit down and talk. It could be a lunch or dinner date. It could also be a park or botanical garden with benches scattered in strategic spots.
If you both like sports go golfing, catch a baseball game, go to the track or play tennis. Make the most of the date. Seize the opportunity to make it comfortable and memorable. If you want to see her again, you have to give her a reason why she should do so.
Preparing For Asking The Question
One way to prepare yourself for asking her out is to research her. Knowing something about her besides her name will help you determine whether you are compatible. It will indicate common interests. It will also help you to decide whether your needs/wants and her needs and wants have any common ground.
Doing your homework may also help you relax when you actually pose the question. You will have more than an idea of who she is and what she likes. This may increase the chances of your venture being successful. You will know what she might want to go to see. This will improve your confidence. It helps you ask her. Be confident, but do not be cocky.
In fact, one of the major problems with many senior men is attitude. They know single senior women outnumber them. As a result, some feel they are doing a woman a favor by asking her out. You are not. Abandon any condescending tones or mannerisms. Some women are divorced because they have had enough of this same attitude. They do not owe their happiness to a man.
Another problem is vanity. Do not lie about your age. What is the point? You should be proud you are still alive and functioning. You have experience and, hopefully, have accumulated wisdom in some form or other. Moreover, the truth of these matters always comes out. When it does, it will throw some doubts on your credibility in other areas. This will decrease your chances of obtaining any more first dates.
In fact, it is important you be honest in your intent and in your words. By now, older women have a built-in lie detector. They are as experienced as you are, and not easily fooled. You need to be direct in your approach. You need to ask the question in a plain and clear manner. You also need to make apparent this is a first date and not a lifetime commitment. Some women may want to date you for fun and companionship. They may not have the same goals as you do.
So how do you, a senior, ask another senior out on a first date? At your age, you can afford to be more direct. You can simple be straightforward and ask her if she would like to go to such-and-such event on such-and-such a day. You can mention you have heard ___ is coming to ____. Would she like to go with you?
This is a simple approach. It does usually require, however, either a yes or no answer. It may be too specific for some. It may leave you feeling too open to rejection. Yet, if this works for you, use it. If it doesn’t, opt for a more open-ended or indirect approach. You can ask her is she would like to go out sometime. You could mention you are going to ____ and have an extra ticket. She is welcome to join you.
The indirect approach is one without apparent pressure. It expresses a desire to date without locking it in. The woman can mull it over, accept immediately or let it go. She can do so without instantly rejecting you. Its flaw is you may feel obligated to wait around for an answer that may never come.
Another possible option is to make the date inclusive. You can ask her to be part of several seniors, couples and singles, on a trip or excursion. In this way, you can arrange to partner her without placing the onus of rejection on you. She may reject the outing but not, necessarily, you. Going on a group event also takes some of the stress of making conversation off of you. At the same time, you may not learn as much about her as you had hoped.
No matter whether you date as a couple or in a group, conversation remains an important part. You will need to talk and listen. Try to do so in equal measures. Do not dominate or control the conversation. Try to find common ground. You will know what to talk about if you have done your homework. You will also be able to have a readily available topic if you have just gotten out of a specific event.
Touch on your past, but do not dwell on it. Do not spend all your time lecturing on something e.g. the faults of today’s youths, economy, etc. Also, do not talk continuously about former wives or dates. If all she does is nod, you are not getting anywhere but nowhere fast. If her eyes begin to glaze over, and she glances continually at the clock, you really do need to change the conversation.
Try a touch of humor. Make her laugh. Women like men who make them laugh. Try for honesty and do make light of yourself. Above all, remember, this is a first date. It is the start of something for you even if it is not for her.