Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Dating Single Moms


Dating Single Moms - You find a woman attractive. You want to ask her out. You are also aware she presents a challenge. Your possible date is a single mom. How do you go about ensuring this first date has a good chance of being a success?

Much of the preparatory work for dating a single mom varies not at all from that required for a single female. You need to do your research. You need to find out the following :
  • Does she like you?
  • Is she interested in dating?
  • Is she interested in dating you?
  • Her interests
  • Any activities you may have in common.

You also need to decide on a time and place. You require the above information to guide you in your choice and approach. In this particular instance, however, you have to take into consideration other factors – her children.


Dating With Children

Dating a single mom can be a logistical nightmare that could challenge even the most seasoned military campaigner. While you are not dating the woman’s children, they do play a significant role in when, for how long and even where you can date. You have to consider her timeframe when it comes to asking her out. You may have to give her a more open-ended invitation or ask well in advance. For example, the event may be for this weekend, but her ex-husband does not take the kids until next weekend. He is not always flexible.

As a result, you have to plan well in advance, ask well in advance and be very aware of her schedule. Use an invitation that is flexible. Consider the following lines :
  1. Would you like to go out with me sometime?
  2. I know you have a full plate with work and your kids, but I would like to go out with you. Is there any time that is good for you?
  3. There’s a concert/lecture/event next week/month. Are you interested?
  4. Do you have time to have lunch or coffee with me?
  5. Would you like to grab a bite to eat/catch a movie/go to a dance etc. some time soon?

Part of asking a single mom out is to let her know you know she has children. Do not make an issue of it. Do not appear to know too much about her circumstances. It could scare her off. Some single mom’s have trust issues. Let her know it is her you wish to date. You know she has children, but you want to get to know her, first.


Where To Go

Where you decide to take your date depends upon you, her interests and her availability. In this instance, her schedule and the demands of her children will prevail over what you may consider important. While children do not rule your life, they are an important factor in hers. In essence, you are dating both the woman and her children.

For a first date, you may want to make it a lunch break from work. It may be convenient for her to see you while her children are at school or in day care. This also allows the two of you to meet and discover information about each other with a decreased possibility of child interference. In this instance, time enforces constraints, but his can help you both to focus.

After school or work, dates may prove more difficult. Even the average type of first date may prove tricky. Do not take it personally if she has to leave abruptly. Do not be upset if she cancels. Children become sick or present obstacles, usually without premeditation. Simply ask to reschedule your first date and take it from there.

You should not arrange your first date to include the children. This is only the first date. It may end there. Your intent is to get to know her. Later is time enough to see her in her other role. Having children present for the first date also sends them the wrong signal. It implies more. At this junction, you do not know if there is a second date, let alone a relationship.


Conversation

On a date, silence is not golden. What you can and do not say on a date can hurt you and your chances for a second date. The two of you need to talk. You both need to provide information on your lives, interests, opinions and preferences. It is highly likely she will want to talk some about her kids. Be prepared to listen. Do not offer opinions unless she asks for them or you have some experience.

At the same time, you need to talk about yourself. At this early stage of dating, no one person should dominate the conversation. You should both provide the basics, being succinct. You also should go beyond name, rank and serial number but without providing intimate and detailed information or blow-by-blow descriptions. Neither of you should spend overlong talking about former mates.

You need to move the conversation along onto mutually interesting topics. Drawing on your research and possibly the event/concert etc. you have just attended, talk or ask about it. Ask about favorite books, TV shows, music, and authors. Keep the tone light but not frivolous. Never dismiss her opinions as invalid or insignificant. This may be the reason she is now separated. Be amusing, if you can do so, but not at her expense.


Final Thoughts

It is not easy to ask a single woman out for the first time. It requires all sorts of research and preparation. You need to look and sound your best. You place yourself out on a limb, exposing your vulnerability. It is never a painless task. In asking a single mom out, you are making the event more challenging. It will require more patience and dexterity to arrange and carry out your first of what could be many dates.

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